Thursday, January 20, 2011


Well, I had a meeting with my wonderful nurse yesterday morning.

The bottom line is that:
-I’ve lost three more pounds since last Friday.
-I find my heart beating fast after minimal exertion; this is probably because my body is breaking down, including my muscles, my body is already using its reserve resources, and my heart is trying to compensate.
-I have something vascular and very painful going on in my left arm. Whatever it is makes me unable to straighten my arm all the way, is causing veins to hurt, and seems like it could be The Clot. The Clot= the one that could take me home. I’m hopeful about this one because not only is it bigger and more extensive than the others I’ve had, but it’s also in my left arm, which is closer to my heart than any of the others I’ve had.
-With the potential bowel obstruction that is building and the potential clot, please pray that the clot will win; it would be so much easier.

-I’m hanging out with my family right now.
-I am very tired and very weak.
-I have learned how to make yarn out of t-shirts, something I’d never heard of before seeing it on HERE and finding THIS tutorial. Note: The first link is a site that puts up new crafts every day, so the t-shirt yarn thing may be several days back... The resulting yarn is very soft and seems like it should be very nice to crochet with... Making t-shirt yarn is very easy and fun, and a great way to recycle t-shirts.
-I am glad to be in the actively deteriorating physically stage rather than the facing months and months of ambiguity stage.

-Please keep praying for grace and wisdom and comfort.

In His Grip, Martha


  1. I continue to pray for you daily. I sent you an email last week. Let me know what you think. God Bless you and Keep you, Make His face shine upon you and give you peace. Kari

  2. Martha...I'm praying, praying, praying for you! I just hate to hear that you're in pain and hope that relief comes your way soon. I find it remarkable that you're able to continue to create your beautiful art while feeling bad, weak and in pain. Only a true artist would still find the strength to create and make beautiful things to share with us under such conditions!

    Peace and love coming your way!

  3. martha, words cannot ever explain how i feel about this post. the way you choose to live your life... beyond anything i could ever imagine. your family and friends have been so blessed by your courage and spirit. may you bring that with you to heaven. peace and love forever and ever and ever.....

  4. Well, after all this time, I guess you know that I'm still praying. A lot. That's a given. But what I absolutely love, and will miss so very much, is your ability to talk about your going Home in one breath, and giving us guidance for creative projects in the next... simply AWESOME. I hope when I get Home, we'll be neighbors. I want to do creative things with you all day, every day, forever.

    Much, much love.

  5. Sweet friend,

    I am thinking of you and hoping for a peaceful, painfree transition for you.


  6. Martha, your post is so moving. Your attitude is so beautiful - you ARE in His grip. I am so sorry you are in pain - just think about all the light you are giving. Praying, praying, without ceasing. Love, Sheran

  7. I'm praying that your pain will be taken away and you go Home. I love you always.


  8. Regardless if the clot wins or not, you WILL be victorious, and there will be all kinds of rejoicing on Heaven and on Earth when that happens. Praying for productive rest and trusting in God's mercy for you. Love you lots!!

  9. God is awesome and will bring you Home soon. My thoughts of you are sweet and plentiful. I love you for always, Annie

  10. I'm praying for the clot Martha (it just feels a little weird to say). I'm also praying for painless days and peaceful sleep at night.

    I love you!

  11. Oh Father, please take this child home to you, gently, in your loving hands of kindness.

    Oh your hands of kindness are here for me
    And I have heard they are silken and can carry me

    How I love you
    All I am is you
    King of love I bow

    Oh your hands of mercy were scarred for me
    And your body was broken so that I go free

    Oh your love that burns me, deeper than the sea
    And the treasure I find here, the Saviour's love for me

    Written by Martin Smith/Stuart Garrard 1997 Curious? Music UK

    Praying for you sweet Martha.

    Love, Julie

  12. Martha,
    As I read your posts, I continue to pray for you each day, and admire you and the courage you have and all you have shared with all of us. You are teaching all of us.
    In love and in peace, Margot Dudley

  13. You may or may not remember me from GCS days, but I remember you as a sweet little blond-haired girl with big blue eyes. Thank you, Martha, for sharing your journey with us here in your blog. You bring your Heavenly Father much glory by the grace with which you are walking this sometimes difficult path to the Door to meet Him face to face. I join you in praying for His mercy in your passage to and through that Door, both for you and your loved ones. We know with full assurance that He IS merciful, and that all that He does and allows is from the heart of a loving Heavenly Father who has our best in mind. Praying that you can continue to fully rest in His love and be at peace.

    Fern Horst

  14. Love you much and always praying. God is with you.

    Love, Sarah B.

  15. Hey love - miss you and want to come by...and wondering if you need anything I can bring. I love you a ton~ Sarah