Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Another Update

I guess it’s update time again.

There isn’t a ton to say. My body continues to deteriorate, I continue longing to go Home, my energy continues to decrease, I continue to struggle with which medications to take when, I continue to pray for a clot—a quick and easy way out....

There is one thing that I crave more than almost anything else; to gulp down a giant glass of ice cold water. I’m thirsty all the time but can’t drink more than sips of water. If I drink more than two medium size gulps at a time, it makes me nearly vomit.

Crushed ice tastes better than any ice cream ever did, and it is cold, and it slows down my intake, so I’ve been able to enjoy ice chips.

I’ve been sleeping terribly every night, partly because of lower back pain, I have almost no energy during the day, it takes effort to talk in the late afternoon/evening, and the nausea gets a lot worse throughout the day—even with anti-nausea meds.

I’ve lost interest in a lot of things, little things like checking http://www.craftgawker.com/ each day, as I have for months. Small tasks often seem overwhelming and it’s often hard to find energy for them.

Really, I just want to be done. This cancer thing has gotten a lot harder in the last week, and I desperately want to be done.

In a sense I suppose it’s like being in the last few weeks of a pregnancy (speaking on the basis of observation only), only I’m waiting to be delivered into Life, Joy, His presence, and Perfect Healing.

Please pray for me. It is excruciating to wait. I often find myself opening my eyes hoping to see Jesus coming for me.

Please pray for my dear family who I’m visiting and who are bringing me ice chips and Ensure, reading to me, and being very loving.

Please pray for mercy.
Thank you very much, Martha


  1. I continue to lift you all up in prayer.

  2. Martha,

    I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Why does it have to be so excruciatingly slow? Nausea is the worst. It sucks that the meds aren't doing more for it.

    So glad to hear that your family is reading to you and rallying around you during this difficult time.

    I have a CD called Celtic Legacy that has some lullabies and comforting music on it, maybe you could ask someone to bring you some nice music like that.

    Take gentle care sweet friend.


  3. Martha,

    I'm praying BIG prayers for you. I pray that you have full knowlege of his touch, beauty, and mercy, so very soon. I also want to THANK YOU BIG...I've had a rough family experience this past week and Joanne gave me a "pick me up" gift bag today. At the end of all of the goodies was the best thing EVER...one of your handmade AWESOME hats. I love having a tiny peace of your creative flair and am inspired that even now YOU are the one blessing me on a bad day.

    A big fan of the amazing DEPP's,
    Kelly DeMario

  4. Just read and prayed Psalms 16-20 on your behalf to our Lord. He is merciful and he will hear your cries. Love you lots and thanks for updating.

  5. praying... and praying... for you and your loving family to always find peace. you are forever in our hearts. xxxooo

  6. I know, from experience, how truly fortunate your family feels to have this time with you, and to be able to bring you ice chips, read to you and just be able to love you... and I'm so sorry your suffering has intensified.

    I'm praying for you, Martha, all the time ~ and I hope you find your way Home soon so that you may be YOU again.

    Much love, many, many hugs.

  7. Hello Martha,

    My name is Devney and I meet with your Uncle Bruce at church each week on Tuesdays. He told us about you and your blog last week and you have been in my prayers ever since. Our meeting is this evening and as I was reviewing our materials, I read the story of Saint Therese of Lisieux 'The Little Flower' which immediately brought you to mind

    This is what it says, "As a young nun she was told to write the autobiography of her life...focusing not on the events of her difficult life, but on the grace that God freely showered on her. Therese is a woman of strength who endured excruciating spiritual darkness and the wracking physical illness of tuberculosis. Yet she continually rejoiced in the outpouring of divine love for her. Her short life is a witness of how the most ordinary human existence contains material for extraordinary holiness."

    I pray for you and for your loved ones and know that God will free you of your suffering soon. And your family can rejoice in knowing they will soon have a Guardian Angel in heaven.


  8. Sweet Martha, I am praying for all of you constantly. Especially praying for your gentle peaceful passage Home as quickly as possible. I am truly sorry that you feel so miserable physically. Try to focus on the joyful reunion that you will have when you see the beautiful face of Jesus as He takes you into His loving arms. Oh, what a welcome Home you will have!

  9. saying a prayer for peace and mercy...God is with you

  10. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zLK2_uOirew
    Jesus is holding you Martha...He will be your Prince of Peace. All my prayers of mercy and peace are with you. L

  11. Praying, praying without ceasing for mercy and peace for you, Martha. Thank you for the update, but I pray you have some relief. Also, thank you for allowing your family to be near. Love always, Sheran

  12. You are walking the path that we will all eventually walk. I pray God's mercy for you and I thank you for letting us (me) walk beside you. When I walk there someday not too distant, I will remember your courage and faith.

  13. Martha,
    Praying for relief from your pain/suffering so that you can enjoy your days with your family. Praying for mercy, also... God hears your cries! Love you, Laura Byrd

  14. "The Lord is my Shepherd...I shall not want...Yea tho I walk thru the valley of death I will fear no evil...for Thou art with me...Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me" Psm 23
    We are praying for you - that God will be gracious to you and take you home to with Him...we love you and will miss you...God bless you and your precious family, In Christ

  15. Lord have mercy; Christ have mercy; Lord have mercy on you." From a Redeemer praise hymn. Keeping you in my prayers every day.