Last night before I went to sleep I "just happened" to read 2 Corinthians 4:7-18. That was God's encouragement to me on the issue of death envy.
It doesn't make the problem easier, and it doesn't make the problem go away, but it does make it make sense, which is critical for me.
I would suggest reading it in several translations such as the NLT, NIV, and ESV to get a fuller sense of it. (The different colored texts are links you can click on...)
I hope I am not posting this twice...I think I missed the password first time.
ReplyDeleteI have cancer, too, and while I am undergoing treatment, I know that my death will come sooner, much sooner, than I previously thought. And, so, I, too, think upon death.
I thank you for these verses...I have added them to my favorite verses to which I go for reassurance in the midst of cancer.
God bless you as you continue your journey.
Most of us go through each day denying that we are on course to die. Blind. Ignorant. Vain. On the other hand we suffer pain, loss, and sorrow knowing that tomorrow may deliver the same, or not. Perhaps the day will bring gladness, joy, or prosperity. Just as each opportunity to experience a breeze, birdsong, child's smile or chocolate chip cookie validates creation so does a house fire, car accident, or stolen wallet. Each of these is a product of creation and gives reason to live. Only when we no longer embrace all of creation's happenings do we cease living. Somehow it seems that the doctors who gave you a "timeline" of sorts, robbed you of what most of us carry with us until that moment when our hearts stop providing oxygen, whatever the cause. You are strong, conscious, able bodied, educated, loved, and alive. I am saddened to hear you suggest that you envy those whose hearts have stopped providing oxygen. Your blog alone is a creative happening that makes a difference in the lives of others. I hope my heart continues to provide oxygen just so I can keep up with you! Each day of living is a prayer of sorts, thank you for sharing your insight and passion for living.
ReplyDeleteI think you would be weird if you DIDN'T have death envy.
ReplyDeleteBut the fact that you are courageous enough to tell us about it, all in the background of God's promises to you, shows us that you are human. And I thank you for that. It is so easy to put you on a pedestal with how well you are coping w your cancer; it is so easy for me to make you a "super human" in my mind. But the fact is that you are human.... a jar of clay like the rest of us... the only difference is that Jesus is doing some REALLY wonderful things for you, you have perspective to see that, and you are incredibly brave to share those things with the world. I'm humbled that you keep Him God and yourself human. Thank you for all of this.