Sunday, May 23, 2010


-My incision is finally decently healed. The surrounding areas have finally mostly stopped hurting. I found out at my follow up appointment that it was an OR nurse who was supposed to clip the suture... My surgeon and his nurse were perturbed about it too and said they would take care of it. It was a relief to get that resolved.

-I have a new lump that’s been hurting a bit... It’s about the size of a green pea. I don’t like green peas or lumps.

-My nasturtiums are coming up finally. It was beginning to look like they’d never germinate. The moonvines have proven temperamental this year; I’m starting them for the third time after only two came up from the first attempt and all of the second attempt seeds rotted. I have this mental vision of my deck railings covered in moonvines and I’m going to keep trying them until it works.

-At a lot of my more difficult moments recently, God has been giving me my favorite birds to look at—Eastern Towhees. I think He delights in doing this... I delight in seeing them for sure.

-I’m beginning to wonder if Jesus is coming for me any time soon. What if I just end up with little lumps in various places and they never amount to anything serious? What if the internal spots of cancer have somehow disappeared? What if I and everyone else think I’m going to leave soon and I don’t? What if this whole terminal cancer thing is a hoax? What if I’m alive for another ten, or forty, years??? I have to keep reminding myself that I DID just get a pathology report from the infamous underarm lump which reported metastasized ovarian cancer... And, I am a lot more tired than a "healthy" person of the same age, although I've been tired for so long I can't remember what it's like to have an average level of energy. And, I have to keep reminding myself that “God will guide the future as He has the past,” as this hymn says AND as I’ve seen in my own life. Here is a link to the lyrics.

-He’s also been reminding me that He ALWAYS keeps His promises. I’ve had to remind myself of the promises He’s made me a lot recently... At some point when I was beginning to wonder, my bible “fell” open to Jeremiah 33:19-21:

“The word of the LORD came to Jeremiah: "This is what the LORD says: 'If you can break my covenant with the day and my covenant with the night, so that day and night no longer come at their appointed time, then my covenant with David my servant—and my covenant with the Levites who are priests ministering before me—can be broken...” And verses 25-26, “This is what the LORD says: 'If I have not established my covenant with day and night and the fixed laws of heaven and earth, then I will reject the descendants of Jacob and David my servant..... For I will restore their fortunes and have compassion on them.' "

-One morning this past week I had the disconcerting experience of seeing hair in the sink. It kind of freaked me out because of my chemo/losing hair experience last year... Then I remembered that it is normal for hair to fall out naturally when a person brushes their hair...

-That’s it for now. Thank you for all of your support and prayers.


  1. When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the LORD your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you... do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not be terrified or give way to panic before them. For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.

    Deut 20:1-4

    Remember this... in the big fight, but also in the smaller daily fights of wrestling the unknown. You are never, ever alone and you are never, ever fighting these things by yourself.

  2. Just wanted to take a moment and tell you I love you! :-)

  3. The Towhee is so pretty! And your moonbeams are really cool. Why do we have you fighting this battle for life while my son is starting a new marriage? I feel like pounding on something tonight. I love you.