Thursday, October 21, 2010

Stupid Lumps

Okay, I have a prayer request.
I don't have something specific for you to pray but this is what's going on:

I’m tired of these stupid cancer lumps everywhere and how achy a whole bunch of them are right now. Tuesday or yesterday, I can’t remember which, it seemed like every lump in the upper left part of my body started hurting. It’s not excruciating pain; it’s something between throbbing, aching, and feeling bruised.

There are so many lumps now that I’ve lost count. There are two under my left arm, one under my right arm, one on my breastbone below my collarbone, one on my right side, and so many in my neck that it feels like a bag of marbles. No joke, it does. And there are new ones spreading up the lymph node chains in my neck. Oh yeah, then there’s the boney lump in my mouth—new as of last week and only slightly bigger than when I noticed it...

Then there are all of the unknown lumps, God only knows where they are, I’m sure there are lots. I know there are some deep in near my left hip joint because it aches the same way as the junk in my neck sometimes. And I know there are some on the surface near there because there’s some very minor swelling (I thought it was going to be lymphedema back in June but thankfully it hasn’t gotten worse).

There are aspects of the lump crud that I am thankful for—like the fact that other people can’t see most of them, that the pain isn’t a lot worse, that I can still do a lot of the things I enjoy, and that I did have a break from anything hurting for nearly two weeks.

But the lumps are still irritating.

The fact that they are hurting tells me that they are growing. They don’t always hurt when they grow but they always seem to grow when they are hurting. So, the fact that they are hurting is almost encouraging because if they are growing it must mean I’m closer to going Home.

Going Home would be so wonderful.


  1. I'm praying for you, Martha... a lot, and the same way I always have. I hope you can feel it and I hope it helps your heart and mind. I wish I could ease your burden...

    Much love, big hugs, many prayers.

  2. You who fear the Lord, trust in the Lord; He is their help and their shield. The Lord has been mindful of us; He will bless us...He will bless those who fear the Lord...May you be blessed of the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth!!! Ps. 115. Praying for you!!! love you lots!!!

  3. Thinking of you today with prayers!

  4. We are following your blog and continue to pray for you. I wish you didn't have to deal with the lumps. We'll pray about them and that God will give you relief from them. With our love, The Schamay Family

  5. Praying for you tonight, Martha.
    Susan T.

  6. i just wanted to tell you that you inspire me and have helped me grow in my faith and i only met you today :) guess who! delaney! it was a great honor to have you at my house today i think god has brought you in my life for a reason and i know its all for the best! your an amazing and awesome person and for you to be so casual about death is like unreal but in a wonderful and moving way...i just wanted to thank you and you have changed my life and have given me the strength and courage to not fear death as much as i use to. i might be scared right now still but im going to take steps and i know i dont even have it 1/100 of the amount as bad as you...i feel like i have already grown in my faith...and if it werent for my dignosis then i might have never met you and that might have been one of the worst things to never happen in my life. im praying for you that god will take the pain away or atleast lessens it for the rest of the ride <3 delaney
    ps. i will call you in the beganing of this week :)

  7. I am praying for you, regularly, Martha.
    ~Lisa Daniels Neualnd

  8. Praying for you to be at peace and painfree. Keep doing the things you love, you enrich me with each experience you share. If only I could ever have half of your strength... I think you are an amazing, spiritual, creative woman and your family have been blessed with the gift of you.

  9. Praying for you often, Martha. You truly are such a courageous, strong woman. I pray God gives you the strength and peace to continue being so courageous. You really are a breath of fresh air in a culture that is paranoid about death and pain. You have given me so many new perspectives on how to view death as welcome and wonderful, as it means we get to step into the presence and love of Christ, not something to dread and fear. Thank you so much for sharing your journey! I have been so thankful for you that you've been able to do so many enjoyable things in the past months with your friends and family - I pray your remaining time here on this earth is as rich and special. Megan